This Thing Always Happened to Me

How am I suppose to say this?

This phase always happened to me all the time ever since I was little..

You know, the lonely feeling..

I personally realized how as an AB girl, having this kind of condition is just so natural ever since this two opposite bloodtypes were inside a girl with dramaful life like me

And even though I already realized it and tried to anticipated it, I just can't help but still so gloomy  

Really.. Me too, hate this feeling, and I always wished I could be just be as careless as my nee-san

Back then, when I saw at my facebook's news feed, I found that most the news feed were fulfilled with love posts by couples in my friend lists.

Suddenly, I feel like, I am just like forever alone here...

And started analyzing my  life with strange point of view and started asking myself again who was supposed to be blamed in the first place...

And at some point, I started thinking that maybe me being single right now will worth once I found the one. 

But still,a small uneasiness  inside my heart makes me feel like I was deceiving myself, even until now

And when I looked at my high school friends who were still in contact with each other and laughing together at the comment,

I feel jealous.. and envy them..

Perhaps people might think think that I'm just too sensitive and should start being a little bit careless about such details

Well... it's not like I never thought that way

In the end, even though when my "B side" is coming out and turns me into a cheerful girl again, i still can't be a careless girl when it's about such matter

It feels like I'm living far away from this planet called Earth and when I came to visit, people here would just see me in weird way and makes me feel extremely uneasy

I hate that feeling, but that's the truth though

This morning, when I attended my college class and hanging out with my colleagues,

I was somewhat being like realized how anti social I have turned to be now

Seriously, the effect of such thoughts wouldn't come in instant... it comes slowly and when you realized, you already drowned with your sad thoughts again...

The reason why I told all of such things here is simply because I just can't told anybody about this

Not like I don't want to..

But it is hard for common people to really understand this matter (I've tried to explain it to some of my friends, but the result showed me that they don't get what I meant.. and I think it disappointed me to the point where I don't think I can tell them about it anymore)

When I speak to people around me, I automatically making a very high-yet-invincible-barrier surrounds me..

The one that would make people says "She is a good and friendly girl, but I think she has many unrevealed secrets that maybe quite scary"

It is true after all, well, it's not the secrets that I am scary to showing off about, it is about my past and backgrounds...

Do you think it's something strange?

Or am I really the only one who is weirdo here?