Happiness is Simple

Idk what makes me thinking of doing this, despite my promise to you all that I would stop rambling something random here, I just did write this post and publish it..

Whatever, I kinda need a place to spill all the bombs inside my brain nowadays and I think this is the perfect place for it, well at least for now..

This year, I encountered something you called fate with someone I never thought would ever came and say hello to me
I was happy alright to find him standing once again side by side with me, albeit it was only for a short period of time
Long story short, I realized how we're still immature in the heart no matter how much progress we'd made since the last time we met..

I found out how the way we solve a problem was the exact opposite, that all it will do to us is nothng but chaos and destruction. The latter was especially referred to me exclusively..
I was and still am broken heart and mourning for the loss of the one I hold dearly for only God knows how many times it has been
Yes, I know, he came to me again and again, and I always opened myself for him all the time, only to find myself tore again and again
We destroy each other without realizing it, and each time, I always pray that this tme will be different, will be better, and will never repeat the same mistakes we'd made before

But I was wrong...

We keep repeating it, keep falling in the same hole, and that makes me realized, no matter how deep is my love for him, we're never meant to be together (I know this sounds too dramatic, but trust me, this is true. And I guess waiting for the same jerk for 5 years is just too much when the rest of your friends keep telling you he doesn't deserve you, so yeah, the phrase does describe my situation well enough)

I still miss him, and somehow still feel like a part of me left inside him, which sucks actually, because trust me, I did all I can do to forget him and move on with my life. I even tried to self-hypno myself!
It worked actually, before a glimpse of occurence came and remind me of the past with him, and suddenly those memories I've kept safely inside the lock burst out like tsunami and soaked me all over
I want to contact him, I want to call him, I miss his voice, his laugh, his scent, his everything. Literally, I miss him back in my life again (Yea I know it's silly, and I'm pretty much can assure you I am really pathetic and hopeless about this since I can't control myself)
But I couldn't bear any humiliation aside from what he had done to me this year. It's not only about pride, it's also about my sanity and my heart (which thanks to him, had torn up to pieces or maybe nothing but dust)

I know that very well, and should I talk about it right now,
I would say that I miss him but I don't want to be together with him anymore
Honestly, I'm too scared to be hurt again, since that's all I've got from this guy despite all the sweet things we had before

So, in order to relieve myself from these unhealthy pressures (both from my final project in my college and from my own brain) I decided to take a peek at my account in a Japanese dating website that I made for observing the way they work with "high-tech dating"

And of course, as a result of not opening it in a long time, many messages unread was stacking up there in my inbox.
There I found some messages that, Idk why but strangely funny and cheers me up, despite the content of the messages that mostly are showing their interest of talking with me there

Some of them really tried their best in expressing their interests with me, some even tried to talk in english and apologizing for having wrong grammar.

Seriously, I'm touched by all of it. It reminds me that there are still many people who still want to fight and try their best to have the girl that they want, and I really appreciate their efforts
(And I really hope they would really find the right person for each of them too, I pray they would find happiness with the girls that is exactly made to be theirs ^~^)
I really feel sorry about that account, I shouldn't make it in the first place since people there are seriously looking for their ideal couple, and I'm guilty for making it as media of observation.

Anyway, I still feel touched and kinda cheered by their messages, and surprisingly, out of my expectation, it lifts part of burdens inside my head, especially about that guy I knew from a long time ago.

That reminds me of the saying "Happiness is simple", and that's when I realized that, yes, seeing people having effort trying to be the best in your eyes is happiness, and it makes me feel like I want to be the old me who can be nice to everyone, who can be warm to all people, who can easily getting around with new people. It makes me want to be the sweet girl I used to be, the friendly one, not the cold one and skeptical one.

I think, I want to rearrange my life once again, to make it prettier, healthier, happier, and warmer.
I wish everyone can have what's actually the best for them, and I really wish I could be a happy girl from now on
I wish I can be a grateful person and live my life at the fullest

It's a lot, i know, hahaha
But I think this post is also helping me to lift part of my burden right now
And if you guys really read this long post up until the end, I really thank you for sparring your time to read this rambling about my life :3

Fall to You Again and Again ~ Epilogue

I own the story, the plot, and the characters here, so please be nice with me and enjoy~

"Will you be the heroine of my life?"

Lucas sat in front of the fireplace with a glass of red wine on his right hand. He sat quietly like he used to be, listening to the crackling sound of the woods broken by the fire. His right hand kept swinging in clockwise slowly as he caught the sweet scent of the wine which Alfred served to him this evening after dinner. He loved how his butler can actually describe his current mood. That was, he admitted, one of Alfred's quality of being a perfect butler for a perfectionist master like him.

Truthfully, he never felt content with his surrounding lately. All looks the same from time to time, and the cycle of life will just rotating like it used to be. This is something a vampire would be familiar with, especially an old one like him. He knew all of these for a long long time. And somehow, he just feel like to find a new sensation than just sitting in front of the fireplace in a cold winter in England.

His indigo eyes moved to his study desk where piles of books and scrolls of maps scattered. One of his current partner, Sir Christopher Gavin, just iniated him to come with him to China. Hell with it, he thought at first, he would gladly find anything but bamboo forests and that bear-like creature with black and white patterns in their body. Lucas knew it was naturally genetic thing, but he himself couldn't help to wonder whether it was a cross-breed between a cow and a bear back then. He never thought of this boring day would come to an old vampire like him in a bloody cold winter. He wondered if this was only a side effect of being alone for over than eight centuries. Whatever the reason was, he actually just thought of come to that foreign place along with his business partner. Perhaps, it won't be that bad to go there, he thought again. Not only would he get the new scenery, but also new opportunity for him to invest some amount of money there. Even though his main purpose there was only to refresh his body and mind.

"Alfred," he called as the butler came in second in front of him, bowing respectively to his only master without saying any words, waiting for the command to be stated. "prepare my luggage and inform Sir Gavin that I will accompany him to China the day after tomorrow."

"At once, Milord," was all the butler, Alfred, said and he was gone from his eyes.

As the butler left him, the vampire came back to his flying mind, accompanied by the scent of sweet wine and the sound for fire sparkling with the woods cracking. He couldn't believe he would actually just left his beautiful castle in the middle of coldest night of winter to this famous biggest continent called Asia. His silver-blonde hair swiftly moved as he dipped his head into his wide palm of hand and give the temple a light massage and gave another heavy sigh.

"Let's just hope this voyage will be better than not having any refreshment at all."




The winter in Summer Palace has made the beautiful palace covered with white snow blanket. Covering the entire road with its whiteness, made the girl actually sigh contently at the view in her eyes. She gazed on her uniform today, made sure the winter coat didn't get any snowflakes since she will soon meet her mistress, the Great Empress Dowager Ci Xi. With last breath she taken, her tiny leg mobilized her petite body to the main hall of the Empress Dowager's pavilion.

"Mei Lan," a voice called out her name and in turn, she moved her eyes to the source of the voice to find her friend, Yue Xing across the place provided for the servants and lady in waiting of the Empress Dowager. "It is rare to see you still here at this time," her friend stated in her exasperated pants.

"Ah, well, The Empress Dowager actually asked me in person not to be so early lately, she said it will make me more like the servants rather than the lady in waiting." answered Mei Lan as she smiled at her friend. Her hair ornaments moved in rhythm as she swung her head toward her friend.

"Then it is a good thing to have you here, Xiao Lan," Yue Xing chirped happily as she wrapped her arm in Mei Lan's left arm, her smile showed how grateful she was to see her childhood friend here. Indeed, those who were very familiar with the most favorite lady in waiting of The Great Empress Dowager can call her with her birth name, Xiao Lan. "Come! We must hurry before The Empress Dowager searched us,"

They followed the biggest path in the area that lead them both to the main hall of Summer Palace where The Empress Dowager had been staying for the past two months. Of course, it is something weird to see the Empress Dowager staying in the Summer Palace in winter, but who was she to ask this out? As a lady in waiting, her main job is only to serve her mistress and make sure her every need is fulfilled inside the palace.

Being appointed as Empress Dowager Ci Xi's most favorite lady in waiting can be somehow called as a gift as well as a curse to Mei Lan's life. As her favorite lady in waiting, Mei Lan got some privilege to be able to follow the Empress Dowager wherever almost all the time, including during the politic negotiation and the royal meeting. The Empress Dowager herself allowed her to be able to learn how to read and to write, and ever since, she became totally in love with literature world. Mei Lan's voice sometimes also heard by the Empress Dowager in order to make a wise decision for the member of her pavilion. Aside from all those privileges, Mei Lan also feel how her friends started saving some distance between them and her. She felt it and saw it clearly through how she actually became lonelier and lonelier as the time went by. This leading herself to be focus on the art world, the painting, the embroidering and knitting. Luckily, she still had this childhood friend called Yue Xing who remained still as her friend, even until now.

"Anyway, have you heard about the ambassador of England who came with some businessmen from that place?" asked Yue Xing curiously, her black orbs shone as it showed its excitement toward the news.

"Yes, the Empress Dowager herself told me about it," she admitted softly.

"I heard that the ambassador came to visit today at noon!" Yue Xing chirped happily again as she giggled childishly.

"Really, I never thought the contingent would arrive so soon," she muttered lightly as she looked at the morning sky. The snow had stopped fallen and cleared out the sky as blue as it had been.

The ladies in waiting finally arrived at the main hall and came in to show their respect to their mistress. The Empress Dowager had sat there for a while when they showed up, her elegant features lighted up when she saw her favorite lady in waiting in front of the door.

“There you are, my child,” said the Empress Dowager as she raised her right hand, letting them to rise again. “Come, don’t let your gown crumpled only because of this daily respect thing,” she smiled at them.

“Thank you, Your Highness” answered both Yue Xing and Mei Lan together as they got up and joined their groups beside the red rug.

“As you girls know, this noon, the contingent from England will come to have business meeting with China, with our kingdom,” the Empress Dowager spoke calmly as she moved her hands on her knees. “I expect peace from them, but meeting new people means we have to be very aware of every suspicious act they made here.” She sighed softly as she watched the remaining scrolls on the golden furniture in front of her seat. “After all, it is for our country’s safety.”

Mei Lan understood how it feels as she also aware of how the member of misnitry had become more and more anxious as this day came. Deep down inside, she felt that this contingent could be a gift for Qing dynasty. But that didn't close the gate of hell for this dynasty.

"I expect you all to prepare yourself in the best way to show them the grace of Qing women. And also, this means that by noon, all preparations are done perfectly." The Empress Dowager stated calmly yet sternly. She moved her gaze to Mei Lan as she raised her left hand to her. "Mei Lan,"

"Yes, Your Highness," answered Mei Lan as she bowed her head once.

"I believe our guests would like to have a good entertainment tonight in the welcoming feast. I personally also had missed your performance of gu zheng and the way you brought the poem for us."

Dear God, she gasped in silence. This could be another thing that made her lose another friend inside the pavilion. But who was she to reject it? "If it pleases you, Your Highness, I shall do it with my best," she answered humbly, trying to ignore the whispers from her colleagues behind.

"You may all now leave to prepare yourself and this place." ordered the Empress Dowager loudly, dismissing all ladies in waitng before getting back to her chamber to get some more rest. Not even turning her head back to see how two hundred ladies n waiting had bowed deeply toward her before.leaving the main hall quietly.

A moment like this was something precious for a girl like Mei Lan. A long time before noon came means she could lock herself inside the Summer Palace's infamous library. Only to seek some options of literature she might like to perform this night. And perhaps, some lonely time before facing the reality of being lonely inside the palace.




The ship finally harbored in the local harbor they believed to be the closest way tovisit the Summer Palace where the Empress Dowager resting at the moment. Lucas didn't believe how the captain actually made it to arrive there safely. Leave alone the fact that their journey had been faster than Christopher's calculation. He looked at his surroundings, a beautiful village with busy people walking in and out to move the ship's cargos. His things had been packed up there and he would like to make sure his things didn't dissapear

Tadaima~<3

So, I'm back again, after a long time indeed. I was thinking if retiring back then since I got lotsa things to do now. I hate to say this, but my new lecturer is more strict than the previous one, means that I'd have few free times than I used to had before. I love blogging and somehow, this is the place where I can actually express the right self inside me.

And it makes me feel so guilty to just dump this site for a silly, inconsiderate, and ever so childish guy who used to admit had a crush on me. Silly me for being inactive here for that damn asshole, and I'm truly sorry about that.

In my last post, I've told you all that I'm going to make this blog as a site where I'd create and publish my fictions. I've had a plot already and currently working on it (again) after a long time. Should I admit that I, too, had no idea how to continue it since some of big ideas I had before had blown away since it's been a long time. I really hope I could still work on it smoothly like I used to do before.
Since I haven't moved the data into my smartphone, in which I use as the media of working on most of my projects for the blog, I really hope I could upload the prologue of the fiction tomorrow evening.

I only want to inform you guys about my come back here and hope you guys still want to stay tune with my blog like you guys used to do.
I too, will start reviewing new drama cds in Ichigo-chan's Life once I finished downloading all new drama cds out there :)

Sincerely,
Antoinette Xenophilus

Lyrics: Mune ga Atsui by Maiko Fujita (藤田麻衣子)

Hiyaaaa~!
I found this song and fell in love with it the first time I listen to it~
Unfortunately, I cannot find any blog who provides the lyrics for this song
Soooo.. I dared myself to make it by my own based on my listening

Corrections are mostly welcome~!

胸が熱い

by: 藤田麻衣子

Aka to ao mezari au

Yuu sora ga kirei

Somerareta chikiregu mo

Haru no.. nioi ga suru 

Anata no sukoshi ushiro

Sukoshi hayaaru ki

Nanda ka fushigi dake do

Tsugi de.. ikittakute

Jikan ga kitte

Sakura no kinoshita

Kami wo nadettewata natte

Mune ga atsui

Tokidoki aeru dake de ii

Tokidoki, hanaseru dake de ii

Sou omoutteta.. hazuna no ni

Mune ga atsui

Ashita mo aetara ii no ni

Ashita mo hanasetara ii no ni

Kaze ni hanabira

Maiagaru

Are kara nidore mo haru

Yawarakana hizashi

Sakura sakumichi aruku

Doko ni, anata ga iru?

Ironna anata no koto

Hitotsutsuzu shitte

Hane wo yasureru basho ni 

Narou to omoutta

Karakai atte

Sakura no kinoshita

Kami wo nadette chikazuite

Mune ga atsui

Konna ni, soba ni sukoshi demo

Konna ni tsugi hi wo kasanete mo

Onaji kimochi de

Mitsumeteru

Mune ga atsui

Nanden datte mo kou shite

Anata to issho ni

Waraitai

Mata kuru haru wo

Kazoetai

Odayakana konna hi wo

Kitto sugoshi teru

Zutto saki no futari wo

Anata to nara kitto

8th Seiyuu Awards~!!!

OH MY GODDD!!!

I'm soooo happy when I found the post on Facebook
The Seiyuu Awards' Winner had been posted everywhere now!!!

Our cute KajiKaji a.k.a Kazzi a.k.a Kaji-kyun a.k.a Yutan a.k.a Ouji has won the BEST SEIYUU MALE OF THE YEAR for his role as Eren Jaeger in Shingeki no Kyoujin

And HiroC has been announced as the most voted seiyuu of the year!!!
For your information, he has won that for THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS~!
Pretty cool , huh???

I am soooo happy for both of them!
Especially for KajiKaji since he is also one of my favorite seiyuu~

You Don't Belong Here

A new lecturer in college..

Yeah he was the one I refer to..
It was all started when he started his lecture..

At first it was okay for me and my classmates
But every week, it became worse than the previous
Dammit I hate him!

He treated us like highschoolers!
I don't wanna stereotype him or anything.. it's just that his body language shows it all..
The way he refused to hear our opinions, keep acting like he's the most right guy in that place..
Good God, he even doesn't thank my friend who brought him some traditional snack..
Instead, he asked whether it's poisonous or not!!!
And said that this is not corruption and it won't make him change her score

For whatever sake in this crazy world!
Why should he think that way?!
We sincerely only wanted to introduce our traditional snack to him..
I never thought of such way when we give our lecturer snacks..
We share because we thought of him/her as part of us!!!

And he just said he would give that snack to another lecturer and see if he's survived or not
HOW IMPOLITE!!!

When a friend of mine who called Angel didn't present, he eve asked if she's in heaven
And let me tell you if you're blunt enough..
That his words were only one of other way to ask whether a person is dead or not..
Guess what, when I confronted him about it, he smugly said that I just didn't get what he said and he instead lectured me that I should listen to his words out until he's finished before I argued with him

Honestly.. FUCK OFF!!!

I hope he went back to his former workplace
Because I sincerely think he doesn't belong here in college
He, instead was teaching us with his highschooler method

I may know nothing about the things needed to be a good lecturer
But as a student, I knew that he doesn't fit his role here..